How to spot a "Fuck Boy"
Our generation is responsible for a lot of cool things. We have dominated the internet age with crafty startups, cool new terms, and engaging social media platforms. Women leaned in, we marched and we almost had our first female president; it’s no secret our generation is also giving rise to some pretty badass chicks. Girls are getting bolder, raunchier, and honestly, a lot more powerful. This is awesome, but it’s not all good. Dating in 2017 is getting trickier and trickier, and our generation has also created the “Fuck Boy”.
Fuck Boys present a dangerous threat to the powerful woman.
As females take more control, and as social norms are switched and swapped between genders, a subspecies of male called “Fuck Boys” have been birthed into existence.
So, what’s a fuck boy? It’s a slang term you can find in the urban dictionary. If f you’re under 25 you’re probably familiar with the term and can probably visualize what exactly a fuck boy might look like; if you’re under 25 you’re probably too into yourself to pay attention to the signs that you may be dealing with a fuck boy early on. So let me try and simplify the concept for you:
Fuck boys are essentially men who have little or nothing to offer a woman, especially one that has her shit together. Fuck boys thrive on appearances and manipulation to trick a woman into wasting her time and resources on them with no intention of reciprocating anything. Fuck boys waste your time whether you want a fling or a relationship. In the dating scene, fuck boys are a plague; they’ll shamelessly drain your resources and always waste your time. Don’t have a lot of time to waste? Don’t want to say “why the hell am I doing this?” silently to yourself ever again? Here are the 10 types of fuck boys you may come across and how to spot them early.
The Selfie KIng
This might sound a bit sexist, but from experience, the one thing you can be sure of, is that if a guy has way more selfies on his Instagram or Facebook than group pictures, vacations, and moments with friends, family, or coworkers, there a 99.9% chance he’s a fuck boy. Guys with too many selfies are too busy phishing for attention on Instagram to bring much value to your life. Trust me.
The Netflix and Chiller
This one’s one of the most common right now, probably due to the advances in movie streaming services. If you come across the guy that seems super excited to hang out with you, but every time he attempts to, it’s always the same thing: he wants you to come over and watch something. Or, if he’s a supreme fuck boy, he’ll try to invite himself to your house to watch something. Let’s be honest, it’s 2017 we all know the netflix and chill gig is just a game of “how long will it take us to fuck”. If he goes out regularly with family and friends, but only wants to hang out with you behind closed doors, he’s probably just trying to fuck, and he’s definitely a fuck boy. Don’t waste your time.
The Midnight Baller
If you know a guy who has a 9-5, lives in a one bedroom apartment in an iffy neighborhood, wants to take you to 3 star restaurants but somehow becomes a baller when the sun comes down, he’s a fuck boy. If he clocks into a job for $15 dollars an hour but yet somehow has the money to get into the hippest bars. If he’s willing to seemingly spend thousands in the club with his friends, or drives a $100,000 car but lives with his mom, he’s probably frontin’, and he’s probably a fuck boy. Trust me, ditch the facade, it’ll be nothing but headaches and confusion. Keep. It. Movin’.
The Troubleshooter
Ever been with a guy who always has his phone in his hands when you’re with him, but somehow, as soon as you try and text or call him when he departs, you can’t seem to get in touch with him? I call this type the troubleshooter because he will always have some colorful excuse as to why he couldn’t reply to you right away: “Oh sorry my phone was broken this weekend,” or “My messages have been acting up,” “My phone won’t charge,” or “I left my phone in the car”. Yeah, that’s a fuck boy. Ditch that before you get an angry wife keying your car at 5 in the morning.
The Emoji Abuser
I’m not sure where this comes from but any guy who overdoses on emojis during a text conversation is usually a fuck boy. Maybe it comes from a complete disinterest in you other than trying to fuck, but fuck boys love to use emojis to express themselves. It requires little effort and usually offers little substance. Emoji’s are a useful tool for fuck boys trying to waste the most of your time by investing as little of their time as possible.
The Big Shot
Guys with their shit together can be fuck boys too. The big shot is the guy who loves to flaunt his life and what he has, loves to butter you up and show you what your life could be if you could just end up with him. The catch is he never courts you or shows a genuine interest in you, which can be confusing. Why roll out a red carpet that seems to lead to nowhere? He won’t ask you out on a date, he won’t ever take the first step, but he’ll go out of his way to try and capture your attention. Don’t fall for his potential, if he's eager to show how you could potentially fit into his life but you're always the one taking initiative, he's probably a fuck boy. Proceed with caution.
Mr. Right Now
This is a particularly frustrating type, but simple to understand. You can spot a Mr Right now by his inconvenient spontaneity. He will always want to hang out with you, but only on his terms, and usually around the moment he asks. He’ll usually text you out of the blue with the infamous “what are you doing?” If you’re available, he’ll usually try his hardest to get you to hang out at that moment. He might even be pushy. But Mr. Right now can never make plans in advance, usually has a lot of skeletons in his closet, and has 100% chance of wasting your time.
The Busy Bee
“The Busy Bee” is another “has his shit together” type of fuck boy. The Busy Bee usually has some type of real high powered job, but not necessarily. The Busy Bee puts his work before anything and will use any excuse about work as a get out of jail free card. The Busy Bee will always put his schedule and his work before yours. Tell tale signs of this type are vague meetings and a lot of “working late”.
The Narcoleptic
This type is the easiest to recognize. He’s always sleeping, or at least seems to be. The narcoleptic fuck boy isn’t great at making excuses for his random absences, one word texts, and spotty communication. So, The Narcoleptic will always say he “fell asleep” and will always be too tired to match your effort.
The Promoter
“The Promoter fuck boy is common in major cities like MIami, New York, Las Vegas, and Washington DC. And don’t get me wrong, not every actual promoter is a promoter fuck boy. It’s just a name I chose for the type.
The promoter is a guy who usually professionally benefits from social events or even reaches a higher social status by using women as their in to exclusive events and celebrity circles. Having girls around actually gets guys a lot of social status and attention these days, almost like nice boobs lets you skip the line at a nightclub. Beware of the over flirty guy who only seems to invite you out to drink. He might be a promoter fuck boy and has no interest in being of any value to your life. Unless you really just want to party and bullshit. .
We’ve gone through what I think are the 10 fundamental fuck boy types. Writing this was a lot of fun and entailed a lot of hilarious conversations with my friends. I hope this guide helps you stay fuck boy free . :)
