My cell phone had been steadily lighting up for the past hour. I sat in my car and stared off into the street in front of me, ignoring the beeping urging me to put my seatbelt on. I guess the world around me was happening, but I stopped noticing for a second, still as a statue, I felt my chest sink like a deflated balloon. I was 18 years old, and I had just felt my heart break.
That was the point in my life I gave up on love for a while. And it was in giving up on love, that I learned a lot about it. For the next few years, I tried to figure all this love stuff out without being clouded by my experience of it. I tried to find logic in something that seemed to have no logic. That’s just the way I have always been. Shit has to make sense. And i found that it does, (kinda) when we stop confusing love with other things.
We often mistake attraction for curiosity. That spark you feel when you are attracted to someone oftentimes is the curiosity that person stirs within you when you first meet them. Many of us lose that fast by nurturing and tending to it like the magic is love. The magic is not love...yet.
When you get to know someone, you naturally become less curious about them. You lose the anxiety of wondering where they’re going to be, or what they’re feeling. So you feel you must have lost intensity, or lost the feeling, and then you probably end up doing a bunch of idiotic things based on that premature assumption.
The magic you feel in the beginning is seduction at work. Sometimes we don’t even know we are seducing someone, most of the time we don’t know we are being seduced. Seduction has very little to do with love. As a matter of fact, seduction should be regarded as love’s evil twin. Love makes you feel safe, seduction makes you feel alive...
They say Cleopatra was a master seductress. They say she wasn’t even beautiful. It was more that the idea of her was desirable. She seduced powerful men and became very powerful because of it. She was the epitome of the divine feminine; using the only type of power women could have in those days: seduction. She would be adorned like a goddess, luring her conquests with nights of spectacle, glamour, and passion. She would find what her target desired and she would become it, at least temporarily. She would then follow it with phases of emotional coldness and discontent. The inability to figure her out made men fall at her whim. Her rhythms of hot and cold were intoxicating. Seduction is a game of psychology (from The Art of Seduction, by Robert Greene).
Seduction has nothing to do with how you look or how hard you love.
Seduction involves knowing people. Really getting to what makes them tick, and then using this to summon them to your will. Like iron filings to a magnet, seduction engages insatiable curiosity. Seducing someone involves becoming a magnet. It involves insinuating over confessing, suggesting instead of asking, body language over sex, the glance that sets you on fire over the heartfelt love letter.
You have to make sure you’re keeping the mystery alive. Be logical. You want that fire? Don’t lose your head. You have to keep catering to people and their own egos and insecurities if you want to have a lasting hold on them. Most of the time all that entails is preoccupying yourself with your personal goals and just being yourself no matter what. But if I were to break it down to a science (which I love to do) it really just entails continuously making people curious and intrigued in you, not letting yourself get lost in your need to put it all on the table; it involves strategy. It means keep some mystery for yourself, at least in the beginning. No one can stay mysterious for too long by mistake. You have to work at it
In a perfect world, we could all run on mere passion and emotion, but we not live in a perfect world (obviously). So, you must seduce, at least if you want to wrap someone around your finger. And trust me, a lot of things in life are accomplished by wrapping people around your finger. In fact, seduction has many non-romantic applications.
Have you ever wondered why whirlwind romances are called that? Whirlwind romances are “whirlwind” for a reason. They are usually passionate and exciting, and… short lived. Whirlwind romances are usually two people fueled by the emotional confusion disguised as a “spark”. Once this curiosity and emotional anxiety fades, so does the “spark”. Seducing someone involve stepping back, using your brain for a second, and making sure that spark lasts as long as you want it to.
How to exactly accomplish that? I would need about 300 more pages so grab the book “The Art of Seduction,” and see how you do. However, I’d use that book with caution, as it can be vague and mildly contradicting at times with some very real consequences to your sanity if used incorrectly. If you’re interested in my take on the topics discussed, shoot me a comment!
“[Her] moves intrigued [him], each of them keeping him waiting for
the next one--he even enjoyed his jealousy and confusion
for sometimes any emotion is better than the boredom of security”
(from The Art of Seduction, Robert Greene).